This is the story of Maggie, a Lhasa Apso who loved one, and only one person on this Earth…Toni (aka Mimi) and documents her trials and tribulations when Toni was gone a week on a business trip back in 2009 leaving her at home with just…me. Jewel the cat, contributes to the story as only a cat can. Sadly, they are both gone now, but this story is one of Maggie’s true love for Toni…

Maggie sans Toni – Day 1

Last night, Maggie sensed something was up as Toni was packing. Like she had a faint memory of a time long ago. She brushed it off though as Toni was in her pajamas at the right time, and she went to bed on time.

Probably nothing.

This morning, John (aka Mac) was up at 6:30 AM (to wish Toni a safe trip, kiss her goodbye and to load the 43 lb suitcase in the car. Much lighter than what was packed for the cruise! No back spasms after putting it in the trunk either. Maggie had another deja vu moment, and was a little more antsy than last night. She still couldn’t quite put it together though.

Toni left at the normal time, and John sat down and drank coffee and read the newspaper. Almost normal, but not quite. He’s not usually up that early. Oh well. Back to sleep on the couch.

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What’s that noise? Oh, it’s 11:00 AM and John is eating cereal. That’s normal. And he was cussing that it’s status report day. That’s really normal. I thought status reports were on Monday’s?

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Wait, is it Wednesday? 5:00 PM, and Toni is not home yet. Must be. She’s late coming home on some Wednesday’s because she gets her hair done. Not to worry…quite yet. John did feed me, gave me water and took me out twice so far today. That’s pretty normal – I hope.

7:30 PM, realize I am hungry. Make a McDonald’s run. 2 regular hamburgers, fries, Sprite and an apple pie. “2 pies for a buck” the guy says over the intercom. “No thanks, just 1 please”, I say. “2 then”, he says. “Nope, just one, thanks” I say. “That will be $8.26 at the 1st window.”  I pay, and drive up to the second window. “Waiting on the fries.  About a minute a a half.” Great I say. Nice hot fries. Yum! Get the bag but no Sprite. “Large Sprite too?” I say. “Oh yeah, sorry” he says. Get my Sprite and drive home. Open the bag. 2 hamburgers, fries and 2 apple pies. This guy must drive his inventory control department crazy. He only rung up 1.

Drive in the garage. “Bark, Bark, Bark…”

Open the door, Maggie looks for Toni, and gives me that look…

OK, it’s 8:00 PM and Toni IS NOT HOME YET. She is usually on the couch in her pajamas right now, and  I am right there with her. But, no Toni. John did let me go out in the garage, and I did sniff around. No evidence of foul play, yet…

We’ve been here before, haven’t we?  Did you do something with her again? How long this time? 1 week at the kennel while you guys were cruising all over creation was about all I could handle. That damn poodle in the next cage didn’t give me a minutes peace. And extra play time is a joke. All I do is sit there anyway. You shouldn’t have to pay extra for that.

I sure hope Toni comes home soon. John has already filled up 4 big glasses of water. That brings back bad memories too.

For now though, I will just lay at his feet and look cute.

Maggie sans Toni – Day 2

6:30 AM – Gurgle…gurgle…Bark, bark. Gurgle…gurgle…No Mr. Cheney, no more! I don’t even know what a weapon of mass destruction is! Maybe when I let one go, that’s it! No more waterboarding, please!…

What? Wow, what a weird dream. Wait, why am I on the couch? It’s light out. Definitely not normal. Streeeeeeeecccccch. toot. Oops, ha, now that is a weapon of mass destruction. Phew…Oh no! WHERE IS TONI. OMG:

Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday!

OK, John boy, I want to know where she is – RIGHT NOW – Oh, thanks for the food and water, and oh boy, my morning bone! And I got to go out twice already. OK, you aren’t sooo bad, but I still need to know – Where is she?

I guess I will just wait here for her, in my corner, behind bars just like when I am at the kennel…

…zzzzzzzzzzzz…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz or on the couch. I just want my Mommy… …zzzzzzzzzzzz…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

And why is John cursing Canadians? And what are Revision Stamps?

Jewel keeps saying “Just chill. You have food, water and a roof over your head.”  I say, what about love?

Jewel says, “Love is over-rated. Remember, if you don’t like what they do, just go and poop on the floor. That’s what I do. Gets me new kitty litter every time.”

2:00 PM – 3 hours of dealing with rev-up issues from my favorite customer. Turns out, they made changes to the base forms and didn’t tell anyone. Need reminder to review source code control with them. Probably won’t work though, they are Canadian after all. Also need to remember no more conversions around their Thanksgiving holiday (our Columbus day). To much food for them to digest apparently. Makes for a sleepy implementation.

…zzzzzzzzzzzz…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

3:00 PM Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Is that her? Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Shoot. It’s just the mailman. Well, it’s early still. And John did take me out again and refilled my water. At least he is thinking about me.

…zzzzzzzzzzzz…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

7:00 PM – Well, she is usually home by now. It’s dark outside. John came home with pizza. Not a good sign. And he is back up in his office.

But those glasses are still filled with water…

I can only hope for tomorrow…In the meantime I will wait for my cheese treat before I go to bed. John does always give me that.

Maggie sans Toni – Day 3

zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Blue sky, the sounds of the ocean, my tummy is being rubbed…ummm. arrrg – What is that noise? It’s Toni’s alarm clock! She’s back. Wake up, get off the couch and go see! Awww, crap. Still just John. Man, those covers are all over the place. Good thing I slept on the couch again. I could have been poked in the eye or something. And those glasses full of water are still there. That’s starting to freak me out.

5:45 AM – Forgot to turn off Toni’s alarm clock. Dang. Rolling over now to go back to sleep…

What did he do with her this time? Oh well, the police haven’t showed up yet, so it can’t be that bad.

7:15 AM – My alarm goes off. Get up and get ready.Go in the kitchen and get coffee. Looked over in the corner. Cat poop. Dang. Clean it up and change out the kitty litter. Give Maggie her bone, food and water. Feed the cat. Yell at the cat.

So, Jewel comes up to me and says “Guess what I did this morning? Pooped on the kitchen floor! Ha! And did you see what he did! Changed the kitty litter. I telling ya, if you don’t like something, poop on the floor. Gets fixed every time. And don’t worry when he yells, his bark is worse than his bite. Get it, Ha! Always ask for forgiveness, never ask for permission.”

Back to the couch. At least I can dream…

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12:00 PM – Time for lunch. Re-heat the leftover pizza. Out of Frosted Flakes anyway, and the milk is almost gone. Out of root beer now too. Looks like a grocery store run is in my future.

Lunch! I know he hates it when I get all under he feet, but I’ve got about a 65.7% food drop success rate. It’s worth almost getting stepped on.

Oooo, oooo, Crushed red pepper – Hot! – Water! Lap, lap, lap…lap. Whew. Water is a good thing…Water is a good thing…Don’t be scared of water.

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12:30 PM – Received e-mail from the CEO and the GM and the VP of Services and my boss with a letter of recognition attached for a job well done on the dashboard project. Sent “suck-up” thank you e-mail back to them. Note – need to remind Jack that sucking up to the bigwigs does pay off. New mantra going forward – If they want graphs, give ’em graphs.

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What’s that noise? Oh my gosh, it’s the heat. It’s so cold outside (ed. 48 degrees and falling)…and rainy too. I can’t wait to snuggle up with Toni.

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2:00 PM  – Maybe if I lay down right at the top of the stairs, John will trip over me. Then he will have to call for help! Yeah, that’s it. Then, the authorities will start checking on what happened to Toni. Yes! Brilliant. He is up and down the stairs all day, I’m sure to trip him up at least once. What is that, like a 2.1% chance? Worth a shot.

Ohhh, wait. Probably not a good idea. Now I remember that day when I was a puppy and Toni left, then was making noise out in the garage before she left for work. I was barking like a dog possessed. Then John came storming out of the bedroom, tried to step over the baby gate, and SLAM! He dropped like a rock. I still don’t know what “Godda*m, fu*&ing son of a bit&h” means, but it can’t be good. I hid under the bed for like half the day after I ran away from him. Good thing he knocked over that baby gate or I would have been toast. Note – need to find out what “Rib Cage” is. Sounds like maximum security to me. “Fu*&ing sore Rib Cage” must be even worse. No extra play time there I’m sure. Not that I need it though. I would just sit there anyway. But, I wonder if it involves water…

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3:00 PM – So, Jewel comes up to me and says “Hey, are you cold? I can get him to turn on the fireplace if you want. That corner in the kitchen is all cleaned up, ready and waiting for me.”

No, I’m OK. just waiting for Toni.

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“Toodle bugs…are you ready for night night?”

4:30 PM – TONI! – Awww, just another dream…

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5:15 PM. What is that ringing. Oh. Sarah’s calling. Hi Sarah! Love you, but leave Layla home. I’m depressed and just don’t feel like watching her be all happy and junk.

Well, kinda like the Cubs always say, there’s always tomorrow. Guess I’ll go back to sleep and wait for my cheese treat.

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“Toodle schmoodle…”

Maggie sans Toni – Day 4

7:00 AM –  ASCPA, ASCPA – Man, opposable thumbs would be a great thing to have right now. If I could only get that number and dial the phone. Crap. It’s just has to be against the law to keep a dog from the person she loves the most. *Sigh* And, some of my memories are starting to fade. Oh no, please God, don’t let me forget about her! JOHN – TELL ME WHERE SHE IS, AND WHEN SHE IS COMING BACK!.

Morning Maggie. Only one more day until Mommy comes back! Want to go outside? Here’s your morning bone. Let me know how that new dog food is.

Yeah, I’ll let you know how that new food is alright. Check out the kitchen floor a little later and you’ll see how great it is. And stop talking to me in that “puppy” voice. Irritates the crap out of me. Ha! Is that a double entendre or what. And making me wait until 7 to go outside is just rude.

7:30 AM – Munch, munch, munch…Hey, this new food is –  munch, munch – pretty good…

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10:30 AM – Streeeeeeeecccccch. toot. Oops. Hey John – Homeland Security just called. They said they want to come over and talk to you about something called an Atmospheric Anomaly. Doesn’t sound good. Anyway, when they come over I’ll just be in the bedroom if it’s all the same to you. Ha! Hey, fill up my food dish again, will ya. That was pretty yummy food.

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From one side…

…To the other

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At least I don’t have to compete with that dang laptop computer for couch space…When is she going to be back…I kinda miss ripping keys off the keyboard trying to get on her lap.

1:30 PM John…whine, whine, grufff, grufff..Can I go outside please and thank you? You don’t want to have to clean up the kitchen floor again do you?

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3:00 PM Jewel says: “Hey John – It’s cold in here. Can you crank up the heat? And don’t you think Maggie is overreacting just a tiny bit? I mean Toni is nice and all, but geeze, all this moping around is getting old.

And Maggie – Make them beg for you to come to them. It works just as well as pooping on the floor. Hey, I haven’t lied to you yet, have I?”

5:00 PM – Leaving to go meet Nana and Papaw for dinner. Little Richard’s barbecue. Man, that’s the best. Yum. Hang in there Maggie. Toni will be home tomorrow and all your worries will just melt away.

8:00 PM – Well, John’s back. Still no Toni. I am starting to forget what she looks like. I miss her gentle nudging to John – “When are you ever going to make up the fu*&ing bed. I’m getting tired of the covers being all over the place. And the disposal is broken again and the sink is clogged up, and no, I didn’t put pasta down the drain again. It was potato peels. And what did you do with the piece of paper I ripped from the People magazine that I wrote Donna’s number on? You know, you saw it I’m sure. It was mostly blue on one side and had a picture of Jennifer Aniston on the other talking about her latest movie and the fact she seems pigeon-holed into those “why do men always break up with me” roles and I wrote the number on the little white space next to the ad for Panteen shampoo. You didn’t throw that away did you? I have to call her back tonight before 8:00. I left it right on top of the junk mail to be thrown away. And Lindsay called and her car is acting funny again. Can’t you get that fixed? Oh, and Sarah called and said her computer is running really slow. Can’t you get that fixed too? Oh, and when you go out, can you go to the store and get me some peppermint patties, and not the little ones. I’d go, but I’m in my pajamas. Thanks. Oh, and the van is making funny noises too.” 

Pure poetry. And I really miss the smell of her pajamas 🙁

Hey John – Here is an idea. Why don’t you get your butt in the car AND GO FIND TONI! I just don’t think I can wait much longer. If you were any kind of husband you would be out there looking for her…wait…you know something don’t you. YOU KNOW WHERE SHE IS! GO GET HER THEN! Why are you sitting there calmly watching TV? Go get her!!!Please!!!!

*Sigh* Looks like another night alone on the couch…

Maggie sans Toni – Day 5

7:15 AM – John’s up. Hey hurry up, I need to go outside! When a girl’s gotta go, she’s gotta go!

7:30 AM – Go in the kitchen, look over in the corner. Cat poop. Dang. Clean it up. Give Maggie her bone, food and water. Feed the cat. Yell at the cat. Check the kittly litter. Still pretty clean. What’s up with that? Go to make the coffee. Out of coffee. Dang. Start some laundry. Toni will have about 5 days worth, so if I don’t do it now, I’m at the back of the line.

So, Jewel comes up to me and says “Guess what I did this morning? Pooped on the kitchen floor! Ha! And did you see what he did! Checked the kitty litter. Dumb ass. I want to make sure he turns on the fireplace today. Nothing like a warm fire to start your day. I’ll give him a little while to figure it out. If he doesn’t get it, I move to Phase 2 and pee on the counter.”

Ewww. Jewel, that’s just gross.

Have a couple of bucks in my pocket, so it’s off to McDonald’s and the grocery store. Get some decaf and regular coffee to make 1/2 and 1/2, and a #2 meal with a coffee at McD’s. There’s like 900 cars in line at the drive thru. Man. Listen to AC/DC to get my mojo workin.

Man, that new food is something. I haven’t had to go this much since I was a puppy. Still dreary out. Rain for three days now.

“The sky is cryin….cant you see the tears roll down the street
The sky is cryin….cant you see the tears roll down the street
Ive been looking for my baby
And I wonder where can she be”

10:15 AM – Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Is that her? Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Shoot. It’s just the FedEx truck next door. Hey, it doesn’t look as dark out as it did. And, it’s stopped raining. Could it be a sign? And John threw out the water. Whew. Now I don’t have to worry about getting waterboarded.

zzzzzzzzzzzz…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

11:30 AM – zzzzzzzzzzzz…Stay away from the light…zzzzzzzzzzzz…Stay away from the light. zzzzzzzzzzzz…Huh? Hey is the sun starting to peek through? Is that a little bit of blue sky? Can it be? Can it be a sign? Oh, please.

“I was blue, just as blue as I could be
Every day was a cloudy day for me
Then good luck came a-knocking at my door
Skies were gray but they’re not gray anymore

Blue skies
Smiling at me
Nothing but blue skies
Do I see”

zzzzzzzzzzzz…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

2:30 PM – Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Is that her? Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk. Baaaaarrrrrrrrrkkkkkk YES IT’S HER!

OMG. IT’S HER.  JOHN OPEN THE DOOR! I WOULD BUT I DON’T HAVE THUMBS. HURRY UP!

And life was good again.

Fin…